Their Bun, Your Oven: The Relationship Between Gestational Carriers and Their Intended Parents
Surrogates and the families they are helping can build strong, healthy, and lifelong relationships through this local program.
A question that is often asked by women who are considering becoming a surrogate is how do you manage the relationship with the Intended Parents? For the gestational carrier, pregnancy and delivery are going to be different from their experience with their own children. If you want a great laugh, please watch the movie Baby Mama, but also realize that the surrogacy relationships depicted by Hollywood aren’t always quite accurate.
Everything begins with communication. At the Surrogacy Center of Philadelphia, they make sure that gestational carriers and the families they match with have similar preferences on important issues like frequency of communication. They encourage all parties to communicate directly, while also being available at any time for either side to ask questions or voice concerns. It’s their job as an agency to help, not simply find a match and let both parties figure it out on their own. They do their best to match parents with a gestational carrier who has a similar lifestyle and values. They find that this goes a long way to minimize conflicts. Finally, they make sure that the contract that the surrogate signs with her Intended Parents includes issues of great importance to each party.
How else can Intended Parents feel involved in the pregnancy and remain connected to their baby? Certainly keeping abreast of all the developmental changes and attending critical appointments helps during the pregnancy (never hesitate to ask for ultrasound pictures). Most parents say that they have conversations with their babies in utero. Parents through surrogacy can still have those conversations – write them down and read them to your baby. Plus this is a precious keepsake!
Many surrogates are happy to document everything that Intended Parents cannot be physically part of. Whether it is through pictures, videos, FaceTime, or Zoom calls, modern technology helps us stay more connected than ever. Surrogate Ambassador Prizzilla Greer shared: “My intended parents lived internationally, so I only got to see them a few times before the arrival of their precious bun. I did, however, make it a point to document everything they couldn’t physically be a part of. Every doctor’s appointment, I filmed the heartbeat and ultrasound, then sent the videos to my IPs so they could experience that same joy expectant parents usually have at those appointments.” You can learn more about her experience here:
Surrogates and the families they are helping can build strong, healthy, and lifelong relationships through our program. This is an incredible journey that they are going on together. Open and honest communication is key and should be supported by your agency of choice.