Our children are growing up in a world where conversations about gender identity and sexual orientation are part of everyday life—from classroom discussions to playground interactions. As parents, we want to be prepared with accurate information and practical strategies to guide these important conversations with confidence. Whether you’re looking to better understand terminology your child is using, create a more inclusive home environment, or simply want age-appropriate ways to discuss these topics, this guide provides expert insights from local professionals and concrete steps to support your family’s journey.

To support local families in our community, our Main Line Parent Pride Guide—along with our sister sites’ Philadelphia Family Pride Guide and Bucks County Parent Pride Guide—offers resources, family-friendly events, and local connections to help build understanding and celebrate LGBTQ+ identities.

Why Talk About Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation

The reality is that our kids are already talking about these topics with their friends. By understanding the basics, we can provide thoughtful guidance that helps them navigate these conversations with respect and confidence.

Lauren Levy, Owner, Clinical Director, and Dedicated Therapist at Anova Therapy Center (formerly Daisy + Co. Therapy), shares:

“It’s okay to feel unsure about addressing these topics with your kids. You don’t need to be an expert — you just need to be open. What matters most is that your child knows you’re a safe person to come to. Open, age-appropriate conversations help reduce shame, promote self-awareness, and create a foundation of trust.”

In simple terms that I use with my own kids: sexual orientation is about who you’re attracted to, while gender identity is about who you are. This straightforward distinction helps clarify that these are separate aspects of identity.

Gender Identity 101: What Parents Need to Know

Gender identity refers to a person’s internal, deeply held sense of their own gender—whether that’s male, female, a blend of both, or neither. It’s about who we know ourselves to be at our core.

Did you know that by age two or three, children typically begin to understand gender differences and develop awareness of their own gender identity? This is a normal part of development that happens long before conversations about attraction or sexuality.

“Gender identity is about who you are. Sexual orientation is about who you’re drawn to. Gender identity is a person’s internal sense of their own gender — whether they feel like a boy, a girl, both, neither, or identify in a way that doesn’t fit neatly into those categories. It’s not really a line or a spectrum — it’s more like a blob: complex, personal, and not always easy to define. It may or may not match the sex they were assigned at birth.” – Lauren Levy, LPC, NCC

For many people, their gender identity aligns with their assigned sex at birth (cisgender), but for others, there’s a disconnect between their inner sense of self and their physical characteristics or assigned sex at birth. These people might identify as transgender, non-binary, or use other terms to describe their experience.

How Kids Express Their Gender: Beyond Pink and Blue

Gender expression is how we present our gender to the world—through clothing, hairstyles, activities, and behaviors. This may or may not align with typical gender expectations.

As a mom raising kids in the Philadelphia suburbs, I’ve noticed how our community both embraces and sometimes struggles with expanding beyond traditional gender norms. We’ve all had those moments—maybe questioning our reaction when our child gravitates toward activities, interests, or styles that don’t align with traditional expectations—that challenge us to examine our own biases.

Sara Silliman, MS, MFT, at Choosing Change Counseling, adds:

“Creating a safe and inclusive environment for children to explore their gender identity can be achieved by using gender-neutral language, respecting their preferred pronouns, and supporting their interests and self-expression without imposing gender-based expectations. For instance, toys, clothing, and hairstyles are not inherently gendered—children should feel free to choose the toys and styles that reflect who they are without fear of judgment.

It is equally important to allow children the time and space to explore their identities at their own pace. Avoid making assumptions or pressuring them to adopt a specific label. Instead, offer consistent encouragement and reassurance that they are accepted exactly as they are.”

All kids benefit from environments where they can explore different interests and expressions without judgment—whether that’s girls who love science and sports or boys who enjoy cooking and art. You can discover family-friendly Pride events in Philadelphia, as well as Pride Month festivities around the Main Line and in Bucks County Pride through our local Pride Guides.

Sexual Orientation Explained: What Your Tween or Teen Might Be Wondering

Sexual orientation describes patterns of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attraction. Unlike gender identity, which often solidifies in early childhood, awareness of sexual orientation typically emerges around puberty or later.

As my kids entered their teen years, I realized they were already well-informed about topics like sexual orientation and gender identity. My role shifted from teacher to active listener, helping them navigate a much different social scene than I experienced at their age in the 90’s. I’ve always encouraged my kids to build meaningful relationships with all people—knowing they’ll learn important things about others and about themselves through every connection, whether romantic or platonic. What matters most is that they approach every reationship with respect, kindness, and compassion, especially for those who are different from themselves.

“As your child grows, the conversation can grow with them. The goal isn’t to have all the answers — it’s to create an open, accepting space for questions, exploration, and trust.” – Lauren Levy, LPC, NCC

Key points about sexual orientation that are helpful for parents to understand:

• Sexual orientation develops naturally and isn’t a choice
• Adolescence is often a time of exploration and questioning
• Some young people know their orientation from childhood, while others discover it later
• Sexual orientation exists on a spectrum and can sometimes be fluid

Understanding the Terminology Your Kids Are Using

The language around gender and sexuality continues to evolve. Here are some terms your children might be using:

Gender Identity Terms:

• Cisgender: Someone whose gender identity matches their assigned sex
• Transgender: Someone whose gender identity differs from their assigned sex
• Non-binary: Someone who identifies outside the male/female binary
• Gender fluid: Someone whose gender identity shifts over time
• Two-Spirit: A term used by some Indigenous people for those who embody both masculine and feminine spirits

Sexual Orientation Terms:

• Heterosexual/Straight: Attracted to people of a different gender
• Gay: Usually refers to men attracted to men
• Lesbian: Women attracted to women
• Bisexual: Attracted to more than one gender
• Pansexual: Attracted to people regardless of gender
• Asexual: Experiences little or no sexual attraction

How These Identities Intersect: Helping Your Child Understand the Whole Person

It’s important to understand that gender identity and sexual orientation are separate aspects of identity:

• A transgender person might be straight, gay, bisexual, or any other orientation
• Non-binary people have diverse sexual orientations
• Sexual orientation doesn’t cause or result from gender identity

Recognizing how these different aspects of identity exist separately but work together helps us understand the full complexity of human identity.

Supporting Your Child’s Social-Emotional Development: Creating a Safe Space at Home

Whether your child is questioning aspects of their own identity or simply learning to navigate a diverse world, creating a home environment where open conversation is welcome makes a tremendous difference.

Challenging moments that arise in children’s social environments become valuable opportunities to discuss family values of respect and inclusion. These conversations become building blocks for their moral compass.

“Even if it feels scary or uncomfortable, sending the message that — no matter who they are or who they’re drawn to — they will be met with love and curiosity, not fear, shame, or pressure to fit into a box, is a powerful bridge builder. It strengthens their confidence, deepens your connection, and helps them feel safe showing up authentically at home and in the world.” – Lauren Levy, LPC, NCC

How to create that safe space:

• Use inclusive language that doesn’t assume everyone is straight or cisgender
• Respond to questions with age-appropriate honesty
• Acknowledge when you don’t know something and offer to learn together
• Address negative comments or stereotypes when you hear them
• Showcase diverse relationships and identities through books, media, and conversations

When and How to Talk About Gender and Sexuality: Age-Appropriate Conversations

Age-appropriate conversations look different at every stage of development. Here’s guidance for different ages:

Preschool (Ages 3-5)

Focus on: Basic understanding of physical differences, challenging stereotypes (“yes, boys can like pink too”), respecting how others express themselves. Offer a variety of toys in your home—miniature cars and trucks as well as a kitchen playset—regardless of the gender of your child.

Elementary (Ages 6-10)

Focus on: More nuanced understanding of gender, introduction to different family structures, age-appropriate explanations of how families are formed

Middle School (Ages 11-13)

Focus on: Puberty education that’s inclusive of all identities, more detailed discussions of attraction and relationships, challenging media stereotypes

High School (Ages 14-18)

Focus on: Complex discussions of identity, consent, healthy relationships across the spectrum, and supporting peers through their own journeys

“It’s essential for parents to engage in conversations about gender identity and sexual orientation with their children, even at a young age, as it fosters inclusivity, acceptance, and trust. These discussions provide children with the support and affirmation needed to explore and develop their own identities as they grow.” – Sara Silliman, MS, MFT

When to Seek Professional Support: Resources for Main Line Families

While navigating gender and sexuality is a normal part of development, sometimes additional support can be helpful—whether your child is struggling with their identity or you’re seeking guidance as a parent.

When my friend’s teenager was experiencing significant distress about their gender identity, connecting with a knowledgeable therapist made a world of difference for the entire family.

Local resources for families:

• Main Line Youth Alliance: Support groups for LGBTQ+ youth and their families 
• Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Gender and Sexuality Development Clinic: Specialized medical and psychological support
• Main Line PFLAG Chapter: Parent support and education meetings
• Main Line Health Gender Care Program: Serving transgender and gender-expansive people and their families
• Haverford College’s Sexuality and Gender Alliance: Community education events

Real Talk: Addressing Your Concerns as a Parent

As parents, we might have concerns or questions about these topics. That’s normal and doesn’t mean we don’t support our children’s well-being.

While I’ve found these conversations to be a natural part of my children’s development, I know other parents worry about whether their child is ‘too young’ to learn about different sexual orientations and gender identities. Some have been surprised by how casually these topics come up in elementary school settings. The reality is that age-appropriate education actually protects children by giving them accurate information and building their emotional intelligence.

Remember: Seeking information demonstrates your commitment to supporting your child, not a failure of parenting.

Moving Forward: Creating an Inclusive Family Culture

Every family’s journey with these topics will look different, but our goal is the same—raising children who understand themselves and respect others.

Creating a home where open and honest conversations are welcome takes ongoing effort, but it’s worth it. I’m particularly proud that my oldest child has advised their friends that our home is a safe place to talk and be themselves—a sign that our approach is working.

You’ve Got This, Main Line Parents

Understanding gender identity and sexual orientation might feel overwhelming at first, but remember—you don’t need to be an expert overnight. What matters most is your willingness to listen, learn, and love your child unconditionally.

Additional Resources for Main Line Families

• Books in Local Libraries: Chester County and Montgomery County libraries have curated reading lists for different age groups
• School Support: Most school districts have guidance counselors trained in LGBTQ+ support
• Community Events: PrideFest, educational workshops, and other family-friendly events
• Philadelphia Family Pride: ​PFP is a non-profit org for LGBTQ+ parents, prospective parents and our children of all ages in the greater Philadelphia region.
• Eastern PA Transgender Equity Project: Support with transgender legal name changes, access to gender-affirming garments, support groups, and information resources

This article was developed in collaboration with health professionals and community leaders as part of our commitment to supporting families in navigating important conversations with compassion and accurate information.