Main Line Mom shares her story, interviews local experts and gives advice on imparting healthy habits to your kids.

By Stephanie Vincent
Photos Courtesy of Jlynn Photography

I grew up believing that there were good foods and bad foods. As an overweight child I was chastised for eating those “bad foods,” but I sought comfort in them anyway – especially when no one was looking. This ultimately led to a lifelong battle with food, my body and my self-image.

I didn’t want my children’s relationship with food and eating to be entrenched with guilt, shame and sacrifice like mine was for most of my life. So when my daughter J. was born, I knew things needed to change. Over the first three years of her life, I worked my way to a healthy relationship with food and eating. Through that process I discovered what my beliefs were about food and began to change them.

It soon became clear that I needed to change what I was teaching my daughter through my words and actions. J. is now 4, and I am consciously working to build a foundation for her to have a healthy relationship with food.

Here are four basic steps that you can take to do the same with your children:

Identify your own beliefs.
Start by asking your self some questions: “What do I believe about foods?” “What did my parents teach me through their words and their actions?” “What is the dominant feeling I experience when I eat: guilt or joy?”

Most of us were raised with – and then internalized – the idea that foods are either good or bad. The truth is that no food is all good or all bad. More accurately, some food is more nutritious for you, and some is less nutritious.

“Let’s acknowledge the possibility of both good and bad aspects in food,” says Jennifer Fugo, a local Certified Health Coach, who warns that labeling is “where the trouble really starts to rear its ugly head.” Foods labeled “good” provoke sacrifice (I should always eat this). Foods labeled “bad” provoke guilt and shame (I should never eat this.) According to a 2009 New York Times article, “What’s Eating Our Kids? Fears About ‘Bad’ Foods,” this mentality is affecting our children’s future health. “Anecdotal reports from specialists suggest that a preoccupation with avoiding ‘bad’ foods is an issue for many young people who seek help,” the author writes.

The first step in avoiding the reinforcement of this preoccupation is to become aware of our own beliefs about food and begin to change them within our own minds.

Change the conversation.
Simply changing the words we use in reference to food can make all the difference. Dr. Cara Hillwig, a chiropractor and nutrition counselor in Bryn Mawr, PA, says, “To simply label foods as good and bad is dismissive to even very young kids who are capable of understanding the issue in greater depth.”

Rather than referring to food as good and bad, we can talk about food in terms of “more and less nutritious.” I tell my daughter that to grow healthy and strong, her body needs what vegetables have in them. I tell her that sugary foods taste good but don’t have much of what her body needs. I talk with her about loving her body, and tell her that eating nutritious foods is how we show our love for our bodies.

Let them eat cake!
The Family Guide to Healthy Eating states the importance of positive messages. “Let kids know that all foods fit into a healthful diet. There are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ foods. The key is moderation.”

When I first changed my eating habits, I would cringe when I saw my daughter eating food that was less than nutritious. At first I thought I should be saying no 100 percent of the time, but I have come to realize if I put a ban on foods, I’m communicating the very message I am fighting to avoid.

Never allowing your children to have cake, for example, leads them to believe that cake is bad — whether or not you actually use the word. When they eat it – now or as an adult – they will feel as if they are doing something wrong. This guilt doesn’t seem to help us eat less, but to rather eat more while simultaneously feeling horrible about ourselves.

“Restricting food only makes the food cravings worse and can result in binging on a particular food or meal,” says Jennifer Fugo. “We always want what we can’t have or what we deprive ourselves of.”

Empower your child through choice.
It’s important for kids to feel like they have some control over their own lives. “Studies show that depriving kids of choices can lead to unhealthy behaviors later in life,” explains Dr. Hillwig. Giving them choice doesn’t mean you never say no. Children need boundaries, but they should understand why those boundaries are being set for them.

With my daughter, I try to talk about food in terms of the larger picture of her day. What did she eat so far that has been nutritious? Has her body had enough of what it needs before she chooses a less nutritious option? If she chooses this snack now, what kind of snack will she choose later? “Mindfulness is a very healthy habit to foster when it comes to eating,” Hillwig says.

Even though popular culture may be still reinforcing the idea that foods are either good or bad, we can create a set of beliefs based in nutritional value, moderation, choice and, most of all, joy: joy in eating, joy in fueling one’s body, joy that fosters health.
And we can pass those values on to our children as
a foundation for their future health and happiness.

About the Author

Stephanie Vincent is the author of radicalhateloss.com, a blog about inspiring healthy relationships with our bodies through acceptance and self-love.  She is also an aspiring professional life coach and will soon be a CrossFit Trainer for adults and children.   Stephanie is also a wife and mother to three children ages 4, 12 and 20.